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We talk about emotional intelligence and mental health that entails

For a few years we have been talking about emotional intelligence, about the importance of growing our self-esteem, of developing certain skills that help us to face psychologically the events that arise throughout our lives.

Instead, we may ask ourselves: How are those skills acquired? What is emotional intelligence really? Is it useful to work it? We will try to answer all these questions throughout this article, so that we encourage you to continue reading.

Something that usually happens when we start to be interested in topics, is that it is not very clear what exactly is emotional intelligence. Is it a capacity you have or not? Or is it rather a set of skills that can be worked, acquired and increased?

What is emotional intelligence?

In many cases emotional intelligence is related to empathy, motivation, positivism, etc. However, this can be even more confusing, because… If I am not motivated to carry out a project or activity… then I have poor emotional intelligence? The answer is no.

Although it is true that emotional intelligence is related to all of the above concepts, being optimistic or a person with a high motivation does not mean either being a person with good emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is rather an ability to understand and know emotions, both own and others, but mainly own. It is to be able to express what we feel, value it and above all not let ourselves be carried away by those emotions, is to acquire the ability to regulate what we feel so that we encourage a deep self-knowledge of our emotions.

Therefore, we could summarize that emotional intelligence is one that allows us to know ourselves on the emotional plane, to understand what we feel, accept it, express it and regulate it. This kind of intelligence moves, therefore, between thought and emotion, allowing us to think about our emotions and be able to solve the problems that arise without letting us be carried away by a feeling that can drown us or lead us to do something that we could regret. It is important to make a clarification now: regulating an emotion does not mean repressing it, but accepting it, handling it and even using it for our benefit to solve the problem that has aroused that feeling in us.

Emotional intelligence and feeling good about ourselves

Achieving all this will allow us to have a very good emotional state, which will report a sense of well-being with ourselves. Self-knowledge is a very important factor in human life, we must be consistent with ourselves and not betray ourselves. Let’s remember that we’re the only person we’re always going to live with for the rest of our lives, so what better than knowing each other, loving, accepting and getting along with ourselves?

Emotional intelligence and the people around us

Achieving this will also help us recognize and accept other people’s emotions. It will therefore encourage our empathy. Feeling good about ourselves, accepting, loving and being coherent, will bring us well-being, which will lead to a more positive view of what is emerging, etc. It is at this point where is the relationship between emotional intelligence and empathy, motivation, positivism, etc.

As with many aspects of life, both physical and emotional, we must work them. And, just as we have to take care of the relationships we have with the people we care about, we must take care of the relationship we have with ourselves.

Fundamental skills to develop good emotional intelligence

We can talk about four main skills, although you can add others that will enrich our emotional intelligence. These four skills are:

Perceiving, evaluating and expressing emotions

This first skill focuses on both emotional self-knowledge and emotional knowledge in the face of other people. It consists in recognizing feelings and identifying them, knowing how to weigh the degree or intensity of that feeling and being able to talk about them.

Emotional facilitation

This ability is the one that helps emotions when it comes to making the most appropriate and consistent decisions with ourselves and how we will feel once that decision is made.

Perhaps it can be better understood if we put an example to help us visualize the usefulness of this skill. In the event that we have to make a decision in the personal field as it could be to take a step further with your partner and go live with her or legally formalize the situation, etc. In this case, it is best to think about how you would feel taking that step, whether it will favor your relationship, how would I feel, how my partner would feel, etc.. and then be able to make a more appropriate decision by bringing those emotions into the present.

Emotional understanding

With this ability we go a little beyond the first to perceive, evaluate and express. We are already talking about understanding more complex feelings like wanting and feeling a grudge for a person at the same time. Also understand the passage from one emotion to another, as can happen during an argument, where we can feel angry, then guilty, feel embarrassed, repentant, etc.

This ability has a fundamental point in all relationships, as our thinking influences what we feel and how we act in each situation. This interrelation is profound and when one of its factors changes it can change everyone else. For example: If we are pyropeated by an unknown person it may make us feel bad, feel like they make fun of us and react by drawing attention to that person or ignoring; if it is a person we are meeting we can be embarrassed coming to blush which would lead us to act by lowering our gaze. And if who pyropeates us is our partner we can like it and we can act smiling or returning the sample of affection.

Emotional regulation

Once you have the above skills, we can think of this as the culmination of emotional intelligence skills. We could also call it emotional management.

By working this skill we can be able to accept both our own and others’ emotions and recognize that it is good to express emotions by what they imply. It is therefore positive to express yourself, provided that it is done properly and without trying to harm others.

For example, we can be angry if a friend has hurt us, and we can express to him what we feel and why we feel.

It is essential to know how to manage one’s and others’s emotions effectively. We must allow ourselves to be angry or sad or happy when it is time to feel that, without repressing our emotions, but without letting them dominate us, being aware of what we feel, accepting it, expressing it and facing it appropriately.

Working these four emotional intelligence skills will allow us to be better with ourselves, have good mental health, something that is not achieved by suppressing feelings. We must begin to leave behind saying ‘no crying’ when someone feels bad or when we feel bad. What you need to encourage is: if you have hurt yourself and you are sad, cry, express yourself Why who does not feel better after expressing their feelings be of sadness or joy?

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